John Patrick Michael Murphy
copyright 1998

God found out about the Trinity in the year 325 of the Common Era. That was the year Emperor Constantine murdered his son, Crispus, and knocked off his wife, Fausta, for complaining about it. He then turned his attention to the new religion of Christianity. This pagan ordered the Christian bishops to convene at Nicaea, a town south of todayís Istanbul. In those days one Christian bishop was the equal of any other. The prelates were elected by their followers. The idea that the Bishop of Rome would have more power than all the rest combined hadnít been invented yet. The bishops and their respective followers constantly argued and connived against one another. Murder and mayhem were common.

Constantine paid the expenses of the churchmen to come to Nicaea with the hope that the warring among them would cease if they could only agree on the pecking order of their gods. Once assembled the cabal got down to figuring out god. One group thought Jesus a holy man, but not god. Some allowed that Jesus was a god, but thought Jehovah was one first. Others claimed they were coeternal and were quite certain both ran the universe with another god called the Holy Ghost. Constantine didnít give a tinkerís dam how many gods there were, he just wanted the bickering to end. He liked the idea that anyone could become a Christian. His empire was far flung and had scores of exclusive religions which tended to strain unity and his power. Once Paul had the moxie to chop circumcision from the initiation ceremony, the novel idea of sinning on credit became popular. It still is. Constantine wanted to capitalized on it.

After many bishops grabbed their crosiers and stormed out of the proceedings he made the rest stay and vote until there was a majority telling us how many gods the Christians would worship. After the infighting, posturing, and compromising of politics, the majority voted that all three were gods in one god- similar to Siamese triplets. Although the word "Trinity" does not appear in the Bible, the bishops explained that while Jesus was begotten by Jehovah, he existed before he was begotten, and the Holy Ghost "proceeded" from the father and the son, but was still coeternal with them!!! Then they made the sign of the cross and left town.

Thatís how god found out about the Trinity-at a convention convened by a husband who murdered his wife-a father who killed his son. Ingersoll studied the matter in the last century and explained how it works- this Trinity business:

"So it is declared that the Father is God, and Son God and the Holy Ghost God, and that these three Gods make one God. According to the celestial multiplication table, once one is three, and three times one is one, and according to heavenly subtraction if we take two from three, three are left. The addition is equally peculiar, if we add two to one we have but one. Each one is equal to himself and the other two. Nothing ever was, nothing ever can be more perfectly idiotic and absurd than the dogma of the Trinity. How is it possible to prove the existence of the Trinity? Is it possible for a human being, who has been born but once, to comprehend, or to imagine the existence of three beings, each of whom is equal to the three? Think of one of these beings as the father of one, and think of that one as half human and all God, and think of the third as having proceeded from the other two, and then think of the three as one. Think that after the father begot the son, the father was still alone, and after the Holy Ghost proceeded from the father and the son, the father was still alone-because there never was and never will be but one God. At this point, absurdity having reached its limit, nothing more can be said except:í Let us pray.í "