We at EvolveFISH have been called upon to fill a major void in the soon-to-occur Rapture reality. While millions of god fearing christians are going to be rapture into the heavens to sit at the side of their almighty god, their poor helpless pets will be left behind.
For a small fee, $20 per pet, we will find your beloved Fido a comfortable, safe home with one of our "Certified Atheist Pet Care Angels." Sadly, it is just a FACT that our sweet animal companions do not have souls, thereby excluding them from entering heaven with their owners. Since atheists will not be going anywhere either, we at EvolveFISH, have taken the initiative to pair the two unholys! You can go to bed on May 20th (or any other Rapture threshold) knowing that we are here to give your dog, cat, fish, bird, horse, snake, hedgehog, or caterpillar, a loving home. The "atheist angel" will care for your animals until Jesus finishs off Satan, or when the world will be ending, or until you return for the promised 1,000 years of peace! (Which ever version your preacher believes. We will provide you with the names of Certificed Atheist Pet Care Angels and a certificate to show your friends! It is important to note that we will not be providing the actual pet care, just the service of finding a good Atheist, Humanist, Pagan, or non-believer caregiver. All the specifics needed for the care of your companion animal will be worked out with your Atheist Angel.
If you are one of the sinful atheists that would like to get registered as a "Pet Care Angel" purchase that opinion below and we will "certify" you, and make you name available to Pet Owners.
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